Mama, Mamon, Mamitis

In the Hispanic/Latin culture, there is an epidemic that has plagued the people, nay, men of these lands. I am sure that other cultures may have a similar epidemic, however being a Mexican, it is fucking prevalent and debilitating to many of the men, boys, and potential coupling that could ensue. It is called Mamitis, and to those who have it, we call them Mamon. Now you may have no fucking clue what either of these words mean...probably because a) you don't speak Spanish  b) you have never encountered said plague, and or c) your man/ex man/brother/cousin/dad may never have suffered from this umbilical cord disease.

Now I am going to explain exactly what these words mean. And I am going to provide crude and very offensive examples of this disease. But I feel that I must post this disclaimer...read it carefully and don't draw any fucking conclusions...take it for what it is:

1. I am not referring to any one that is in my life today, these examples are from men/boys that I knew years before, and may not have necessarily been in a relationship with, could have just been an acquaintance.

2. I am about to get offensive towards Peruvians. Now if you ask yourself, whats the difference between a Peruvian and a Mexican, my knee jerk reaction would be to say "fuck you". But, geographically, physically, and culturally, there is a huge fucking difference. I do not have a personal vendetta against the Peruvians, I was just once highly annoyed with one and made a greatly offensive comment to that asshole which I am about to share with you. I promise to be as equally offensive to my Mexican people in future posts, if I haven't already.

3. Take it in stride..this post is for fun, not educating, so before you get all up the ass, just chill.

4. I love men who love, respect and honor their mothers. If they treat their mother's in such a manner, chances are they will treat you with the same honors. I can attest to this now. I think there is a balance with family, and I have found the perfect man with the perfect balance.

Now, mamitis is a condition when a grown man has yet to detach from his mother's umbilical cord. this is a very popular phenomenon that goes far beyond the mother land. Every decision, every meal, and every bowel movement is done with the hand holding of his mother. She may at times wipe his ass, make rude, comparison comments to his girlfriend/wife (this has never happened to me...because I am fucking perfect), and get all up in his shit with other woman. He in turn, may compare his girlfriend to his mother, making comments about her cooking, her manner of ironing, and whether or not she is the god damn goddess like his mother. Now his mother may be a fucking saint, but he may just be an asshole with an Oedipal complex, it happens.

I'll give you an example...

I made this giant mistake and had a relationship with a Peruvian. Now this Peruvian, was a little special. I shit you not, he went to his mother's twice a fucking day. Once in the morning, and once at night. Each time picking up his little care package, because god forbid he make himself a fucking sandwich. Now I decided to be nice, and make him dinner. Fuck me right? Well here is how that dinner went...
Sits at dinner table -
Him: whats this?!?!?
Me: What do you mean?
Him: I mean what is this? This isn't how my mom makes food?
Me: I am sorry? What do you mean? I am not understanding?
Him: well its not my mom's, my mom doesn't make food like this, she doesn't use this ingredient, or this ingredient, and she always does this to...
Me: Do you see a fucking tree in my house?
Him: What?
Me: Do...you...see...a...motherfucking tree...in .... my...house??!?!
Him: What is that supposed to mean?
Me: I am not sure if you knew this, but Motherfucker, I am a Mexican...not a Peruvian...my people do not still swing from fucking trees like your people. And take a look at my face...its not your fucking mom's face...and smell that? It's my god damn food and it smells amazing!!!!!!! Call your fucking mom and tell her to set an extra fucking table in the tree!

That was just the tip of the comparisons, and mind you, I was already at my wits with this asshole for continually comparing my body type to a playmate...my tits are real asshole! So I already had some pent up anger...but this incident was the most notable. I wish I was making this up ....

Another time, when I was visiting this one place in another country...I need to be a little vague, I encountered a forty something year old man whose umbilical cord was severely attached and possibly moldy. Now this fucker owned his own house down the street from his mother, but remained living in her house. He would literally walk through the door, drop trouser for his 80 something year old mother to pick up and wash. She made his meals, she rubbed his back. She would sit at his bedside at night and rub down his legs. You all know the Oedipal story right...well I thought I was in the fucking episode of the twilight zone. I pity the rancherita than ends up with that animal.

So "M" is for mamitis.