Do's and Do not's - Facebook Edition

Don't ever search for a birth parent on Facebook...EVER.

You end up with a gout riddled ex boxer clinging on to his glory days that were over before you could say "vegas uber cunt grabber". He'll expect you to call him dad and possibly help him out since you know, he donated sperm to create you, now you need to pay up...When you don't, he will say that he has kids all over the U.S., and he loves every one of them despite not having relationships with any of them, and then will tell you he could go to any one of them to take care of him...good luck with that douche.

Then you'll end up with his family. His mother will be this lizard looking woman who will try to make disparaging remarks about your birth mother, even though she had never met her. Then she'll question you as to why you are not married and having kids by the age of 25, since all of her other ghetto grand kids were knocked up and well established with babies by the time they crossed the graduation stage of high school. Her exact words will be "are you broken"? Thanks biological grandmother.

Your half sibling will ask you for money because you know, its your duty as a sister. They'll call you in the middle of the night because they got in to an argument and need to be picked up from some seedy part of town...and expect you to be the one to do it...since  you know..."we are family". If you are dumb enough...you'll fucking do it.

Your other half sibling will give you shit for not accepting her with open arms and loving her the way you love the people you were raised with. She'll threaten to throw you off her Facebook and cut ties with you forever, to which you reply, "bring it the fuck on, cow".

By the time its all over, two years have passed and you have changed your number to hide from these people. YOu'll think you were raped by the "Lifetime" Movie Channel. And you'll delete your Facebook for a time, because fuck that ordeal was exhausting.

Do get a Facebook.
Don't look up a biological parent on Facebook.