Thursday, January 10, 2013

Domestic Animal War

It's the oldest question...what kind of person are you? Are you a good person, or a bad one? Are you a dog person, or a cat one?

Dogs...definitely dogs. Why? Because Sammy, that's why.
Sammy, you son of a bitch. I was only three years old when you ran off...What...The...Fuck. I wasn't a Darla to you, I stayed out of your way and then paid attention to you when you felt like being nice. And how the fuck do you repay me? You run the fuck off...NOW I HAVE ABANDONMENT ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, cats are the devil's pawns. Their poop smells unnatural, AND, they shit in a box...a box people! I realize that humans shit in a box too, but if it were up to me I'd be shitting on a certain person's lawn all the time. But that's illegal.
They scratch shit up, and its never enough. You buy them scratch post thing and they prefer your couch. You buy them fancy food, and they vomit on your clothes.

Fuck Cats...

Dogs serve a purpose. They are good prep for deciding on whether to procreate. They are so damn needy, that you kind of start to practice on your parenting skills. Plus, they just want to love you. Thats all, maybe bring in a dead squirrel, maybe shit on your carpet...just like a baby. They want to cuddle with you on the couch, interrupt your sex.

Yes...I love dogs.
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9 comments:

  1. Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0January 10, 2013 at 12:03 PM

    I'm hearing a lot about scratching today. I trim my cat's nails whenever they get sharp (they're indoor-only, so they don't need them for safety), and they never scratch the furniture or people. But maybe I just have the best cats ever...

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    Replies
    1. UnknownJanuary 10, 2013 at 1:55 PM

      It sounds like you have a cool cat. I am sure the trimming of the claws helps a lot too.

      Delete
  2. Running MamaJanuary 10, 2013 at 1:20 PM

    I once hated cats too, but then I loved them

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    1. UnknownJanuary 10, 2013 at 1:56 PM

      I've tried to get back into the love, but I can't. I won't hurt one, I just can't seem to love one.

      Delete
  3. AnonymousJanuary 10, 2013 at 1:29 PM

    My cat and I fell out when I was pregnant. I turned into an anti-cat person and once the baby was born there were MAJOR problems. I fucked that all up I admit and I'm still sad.

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    Replies
    1. UnknownJanuary 10, 2013 at 1:56 PM

      Awwww, that sucks! Sorry to hear. Maybe there can be some rekindling.

      Delete
  4. UnknownJanuary 10, 2013 at 3:45 PM

    I might not agree with your dislike of cats, but this is pretty funny!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Garbage Time Pump FakerJanuary 10, 2013 at 3:48 PM

    everything about this is wrong. sorry. cars forever. -alexxx

    ReplyDelete

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