Domestic Animal War

It's the oldest question...what kind of person are you? Are you a good person, or a bad one? Are you a dog person, or a cat one?

Dogs...definitely dogs. Why? Because Sammy, that's why.
Sammy, you son of a bitch. I was only three years old when you ran off...What...The...Fuck. I wasn't a Darla to you, I stayed out of your way and then paid attention to you when you felt like being nice. And how the fuck do you repay me? You run the fuck off...NOW I HAVE ABANDONMENT ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, cats are the devil's pawns. Their poop smells unnatural, AND, they shit in a box...a box people! I realize that humans shit in a box too, but if it were up to me I'd be shitting on a certain person's lawn all the time. But that's illegal.
They scratch shit up, and its never enough. You buy them scratch post thing and they prefer your couch. You buy them fancy food, and they vomit on your clothes.

Fuck Cats...

Dogs serve a purpose. They are good prep for deciding on whether to procreate. They are so damn needy, that you kind of start to practice on your parenting skills. Plus, they just want to love you. Thats all, maybe bring in a dead squirrel, maybe shit on your carpet...just like a baby. They want to cuddle with you on the couch, interrupt your sex.

Yes...I love dogs.