Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Want to be friends?

In addition to my documentary film review, I decided to start a new series simply for the DO's and DONT's of anything you can think of....and I mean anything. I will

This week's will revolve around friendship. I am assuming that you, the reader, as well as any other bloggers out there, are well established adults who have already gone through the woes and perils of friendships, as well as the highs. Some of us have kept our friends since the moment we swapped binky's and realized that his privates didn't look anything like mine. (Thanks Gregory...). Some of us had a moment, a pivotal incident that resulted in the disintegration of the relationship. And sometimes, we have just outgrown these people we once called friend. We have treated these people as family, and we have turned against them. We have loved and hated, gossiped and respected.

I must make the disclaimer that the following list is not my personal plan, I do not pretend to follow all of the do and dont that I am about to list. I have made many mistakes in friendships, and will continue to make them. To say otherwise would be hypocritical and simply untrue. So before the eyes start rolling and the shit talking commences, please ensure that you aware of this fact.

And now - The Do's and Dont's of Friendship

Do maintain a level of friendliness with their spouses, significant others, etc...
Don't fuck their significant others and spouses.

Do express happiness in your friend's accomplishments.
Don't tell them "why not me?" and "how the fuck did you achieve something like that" in bitch face tone.

Do listen actively to your friend's issues regardless of how mundane and irritating they might sound...you all fucking complain.
Don't pass judgement on their mistakes...you aren't fucking perfect.

Do provide objective guidance and resolutions to a friend's issues.
Don't run and fucking tell everyone about their herpes outbreak.

Do invite for lunch or coffee, to attend dinner or a movie.
Don't bring extra people without asking, its rude and fucking annoying.

Do express excitement over their new beau, remember that we all have the initial excitement period...for some it lasts longer than others.
Don't be an asshole and call them codependent, especially when they mold their personalities to their different boyfriends.

Do be grateful for the favors that they do. They do this because they love and care about you and typically don't expect anything back.
Don't expect anything in return, or disappear because that person no longer has any tangible or theoretical favors to provide. This is selfish and bullshit.

Do thank them for putting up with your attitude. Remember, these people are choosing to put up with your shit, you do not share DNA....they do not HAVE to love you, but they do anyway.
Don't give them attitude, its not their fault they are not nearly as cool as you.

Do step in when they are in danger and have no conscious perception of this.
Don't be an asshole about being their superhero and be all up in their shit all the time...realize that there is a healthy balance.

Do respond to texts/calls directly.
Don't respond via social media, putting pertinent shit on blasts for the rest of the lurking community to see. It's fucking rude and inconsiderate. If you can update your FB status, you can reply to a text.

Do express your frustrations with the friendship directly. And feel free to take some time and space. Remember that even the closest of family and friends have issues, and even if you can't resolve in the immediate time frame, perhaps you can revisit and resolve the issues at a later date.
Don't force the friendship, especially when tensions are high. Typically, this is when the worst things are uttered to one another.

There are so many to lists, but these were a few that were nagging in the recent months. Always remember, relationships, platonic or not, are fluid and always evolving. Nothing is ever stagnant.


6 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, I'm so totally going to start telling people to not talk to me in "bitch face tone." I love that!!

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    1. My friend makes a "face" that when done correctly, cues us to back away slowly...its fucking classic and only she can pull it off. I end up looking hungover when I try to do this.

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  2. Lol, I was gonna suggest don't fuck their spouse/significant other. But didn't think you'd be going there...
    the hubby had a suggestion too, don't make plans you don't intend/want to keep. Your friend will understand a no, and if they don't they would still like it better than being stood up

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    1. Ha ha! Sometime you just have to state the obvious! As for the planning! I totally agree and have been the perpetrator as well as the receiver! We learn sometimes.

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  3. I like the tone in this blog. I remember talking to you about something like this. I am still stuck on Being with Tony as my Best friend and Lover all the time. But in the past few weeks, several girlfriends have showed up outta the blue just to let me know they are there for me and care. That was very nice. The one about making plans; that one, always gets me, and I am straight forward about saying that I can't make it, but people get butt hurt.

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    1. Yeah, me and the babe are in the same with being best friends. But its the other relationships, the ones that you try to maintain that are the ones that struggle. It's a learning process I guess.

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