Another Chapter in Awkward Handbook

If you are my friend on FaceBook you may have already read that I made a career change. I did, after all, blast the shit out of my recent change. Leaving the law office was bittersweet, leaving it for a different field? That's some exciting shit right there.

After seven years of working in the law field, and after briefly flirting with the LSAT, I left this field. Seven years of other people's health and liberty within the grasp of my pudgy fingers.
I wanted to be a lawyer, I wanted to get experience. So I decide to work for attorneys to get experience before graduating college. I didn't want to get myself in to law school debt only to find out that I fucking hated it. And guess what...I fucking hated it. Attorneys are weird. Helpful, but lack empathy. Not all of them, but some of them. They are the poster children for successful asperger stories. I thought I would fit right in....But I failed. I thought I had empathy, but my client's annoyed the shit out of me.

Let me explain.
I loved what I did. I helped the disabled population get their SSI benefits. And while doing this, some of them died on me. That's right...they fucking died waiting for the US government to give them their medical benefits after working their whole life and losing it all because they were sick. Well I left that  and dabbled in Immigration law. I got to tell people that because the notary they used when they first got here because they wanted to save a buck, filed their papers wrong, that they were going to get deported and permanently barred from the US. Didn't matter who they married, that they were educated, hard working, etc.
Immigration is a personal passion. And regardless of what you think, its an ass backwards institution. It's set up for failure. It's set up to mentally fuck.

I spent many years caring about the lives of others while failing to make a dent in mine. I was unhappy in what I did, I hated the money, and resented the people I chose to help. So I left. I jumped at the opportunity to enter the glitzy corporate world of commercial property management. You know the kind, pant suits and fancy coffee mugs kind of place.
And here is where the story gets awesome. Because this awkward Mexican walks in to the upper echelon of propriety. And do you know what I say? Do you know what I answer when I am asked how I like my change in career? I say, "its great, its not like the buildings I manage are going to get deported".
Their bleach blonde smiles went limp as I caught "the fuck?" expressions they exchanged. Oh well. Wait until they see my cubicle covered in Fox Mulder pictures... I might even bring my WWII SS Panzergrad cigarette case to show and tell!

This is going to be fun.

Do's and Do not's - Facebook Edition

Don't ever search for a birth parent on Facebook...EVER.

You end up with a gout riddled ex boxer clinging on to his glory days that were over before you could say "vegas uber cunt grabber". He'll expect you to call him dad and possibly help him out since you know, he donated sperm to create you, now you need to pay up...When you don't, he will say that he has kids all over the U.S., and he loves every one of them despite not having relationships with any of them, and then will tell you he could go to any one of them to take care of him...good luck with that douche.

Then you'll end up with his family. His mother will be this lizard looking woman who will try to make disparaging remarks about your birth mother, even though she had never met her. Then she'll question you as to why you are not married and having kids by the age of 25, since all of her other ghetto grand kids were knocked up and well established with babies by the time they crossed the graduation stage of high school. Her exact words will be "are you broken"? Thanks biological grandmother.

Your half sibling will ask you for money because you know, its your duty as a sister. They'll call you in the middle of the night because they got in to an argument and need to be picked up from some seedy part of town...and expect you to be the one to do it...since  you know..."we are family". If you are dumb enough...you'll fucking do it.

Your other half sibling will give you shit for not accepting her with open arms and loving her the way you love the people you were raised with. She'll threaten to throw you off her Facebook and cut ties with you forever, to which you reply, "bring it the fuck on, cow".

By the time its all over, two years have passed and you have changed your number to hide from these people. YOu'll think you were raped by the "Lifetime" Movie Channel. And you'll delete your Facebook for a time, because fuck that ordeal was exhausting.

Do get a Facebook.
Don't look up a biological parent on Facebook.